Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize