the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is classic penis vs brain.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
