ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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