i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
