went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
