Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize