I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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