i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
