i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
