you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
