Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
