I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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