Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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