Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
