there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
