We got so high we made milksteak
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
