I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Girls should come with a carfax report
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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