i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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