I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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