Moan for me like Helen Keller
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
