i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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