She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
pray to the hookup gods
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
