Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
