I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
