haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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