Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
