I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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