i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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