I seem to have left my pride at pride
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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