i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize