The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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