Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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