All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
