Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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