is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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