Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
