The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
