I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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