she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize