why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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