So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
