got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
