yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
