the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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