I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
