Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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