Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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