She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
