The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
