Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
