glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
