There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
