glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
