"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Enjoy the penises
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
