Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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