dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ttyl tear gas
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
