THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
