I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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